Edward's Best Man
by Rahzelia
Summary: Bella's maid of honor is Alice .. but who is Edward's best man? Emmett and Jasper are eager to find out .. This is my first story, be nice. Reviews are much appreciated!
1. Let The Games Begin!

**A/N:** _All characters by Stephenie Meyer. This is my first story, please be nice :-) _

Emmett complained loudly in the kitchen. Well, not loudly physically but his thoughts literally screamed and flung themselves in my telephatic brain.

_I am soooo bored! Ugh, what's fun around here? Hey.. _

_  
_I did not like where his thoughts were redirected. His memories started to flood of Bella's klutz moments and, most especially, her beautiful blushes.

Ah, Bella's clumsiness is one of her redeeming human features I'll never forget. It'll probably intensify when she's .. one of _us_.  
I shuddered inwardly at the very thought. A sharp, blunt pain on my left ear dragged me back to reality.  
Emmett had slapped me, helping me out of my trance. "Hey bro, you up for some challenge?" He was grinning, ear to ear.

I searched his mind for something suspicious. Instead of rancid, immature thoughts, Emmett was singing the nursery rhyme 'Baa Baa Black Sheep'.

_Baa, Baa, Black Sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full. One for my master, one for my dame, one for the little boy that lives down the  
lane! Baa Baa Black Sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir three bags full! _

I furrowed my brow, curious and mad at the same time. If Emmett hides something from me, it's often fraught with embarassment and peril.  
"What challenge?" I asked. "Hey, you'll see," he replied, dragging me to the backyard. Then, he bellowed, "Jasper! Come down with us!"

Jasper, who was looking as bored as Emmett was, excitedly ran to us. "What's going on?" he asked, smiling.  
"Ah, well.. we're being faced by a dilemma here," Emmett offered, "it's Edward's fault, mostly."

_Ah, I guess Edward doesn't realize.. I mean, Bella's already picked!  
I hope Eddie picks me.. I picked him the last time me and Rose .. _

"Pick? Pick for what?" I asked, genuinely confused. Jasper and Emmett's eyebrows rose.

"Hmm, let me ask you this, Edward," Jasper said, "who's Bella's maid of honor?"

"Alice," I replied, "and what does that have to do with ... "

_HA! You realize now? Who's your best man Edward? Can't be Carlisle, he's the DAD.  
Eddie-weddie, pick me! C'mon, I'm your best bro! Jasper's just gonna manipulate you!_

I grinned. I'd been to lots of Emmett's weddings and Jasper and I get to alternate being the best man. However, knowing Bella, she probably won't  
get married again. It's going to be a hard choice.

"C'mon, Edward, I'm the one who always puts up with your foul mood swings! And, still take you hunting afterwards," Emmett said proudly.

"Edward, I calm you down during your nervous breakdown. You'd be popping all veins in your body if I wasn't here," Jasper replied seethingly.

They both provided lame excuses. I thought up of something creative, and fair at the same time.  
"Well, since I don't want to do this personally, let's do this through a challenge," I said, "in revenge for all the times Emmett and Jasper, yes you two, embarassed me both in book and fanfiction format, this challenge is for you. Whoever wins get the coveted spot of being my best man."

Both of them exchanged wary, but excited expressions.

_Psh. Edward can't cook up no goody-goody scheme. He's too "GOOD" to be evil like me.  
Heh, Edward thinks he can thwart me, EMMETT MCARTY HALE? No chance there..okay, maybe if there was, Jasper will have figured him out sooner.. _

I bit back a "bear choke" laugh and turned back to the house. This was going to be one interesting afternoon.


	2. In Another Language

_**A/N: The lyrics of the songs I found were found online. If there are any errors, I'm sorry I'm not Korean, so I can't really tell. oO;  
I'm sort of not a really humoruos person, so I find it hard to find crazy things for Edward to do. Sorry it takes me awhile to update!**_

**As per usual, I don't own anything except a pair of pants and a shirt. Yes, not even underwear. So that means I don't own Twilight! :P **

I snickered as I went inside the house to prepare for the "competition". I had thought back on all the fanfictions that had Emmett (and sometimes, Jasper) embarassing either me or my precious Bella. I knew I needed a good comeback, but since I'm no psycothic madman, I'll settle for a few good ones.

I looked around the garage. We often put the unnecessary, but wanted things in there -- junk, mostly. We had everything from hockey tables, globes and even centuries old toasters. I rummaged for awhile before finding it at last -- a Korean Karaoke System! I'm willing to bet all the money in my Starbucks stocks that no one remembers this one! I laughed quietly to myself as I went to the living room to set it up.

A few minutes later, curiosity dragged Jasper's and Emmett's heads to look inside without my permission. I snarled quietly, making it clear I wasn't done yet. Emmett's thoughts grumbled while Jasper's, at the very least, were content.

After I finished setting up the system, with my preternatural speed, I dashed to get a recording camera, one that is so small it's hardly visible unless you know it's there. It was about the size of a fly and it was practically noiseless, except for the beeping sound after it's done recording. I had bought this off one of the "secret" agents in the government a few years back, when we were sent to the FBI to be questioned. Luckily, Alice had foreseen that complication and we were able to escape. One of them, though weren't easily deterred as the others, and after convincing him of our story, he took the fly with him, telling us he'd been watching all along. Carlisle was immediately tense, but he announced himself as a fellow vampire, like us, a vegan as well. He offered to sell the fly camera to me in secret, sensing I took great interest in it. After that, he had just disappeared. I realize now I never asked for his name. Huh.

I put it beside the brand new flat screen TV where the karaoke was set up. This was going to be one good family video, I'm sure everyone would like to watch.

I called them in, and I knew they already figured out it was karaoke.

"Karaoke?" Emmett snorted, "that's the best your brain can do? Man, you need some help!"

"Well, at least I know now I'm gonna win," Jasper said smugly. Emmett flashed him a devilish look.

"You can't know that, all that Jazz," he said, smirking. Jasper simply nodded his head and took the microphone.

"So.. me or you?" Emmett took the microphone. "I'll be the first to let the world hear the melodious sound of my voice in tune with whatever song floats my boat."

He turned it on and the television screen showed a line of kimchi leaves with cute chibi eyes dancing around the screen. I heard them both gasp.

"KOREAN?!" Emmett roared, "WTH? I-- you-- don't speak this language! This is cheating! How can I sing something I don't know!"

I stifled the laughter that was pushing its way out of my mouth. It was hard to keep a calm voice, but I had to.

"Just do it," I said, trying to sound bored, "there are subtitles, follow them."

Jasper eyed me viciously, then turned to look at Emmett carefully while he struggled to pick a song. All the song choices were in Korean as well, so it wasn't that Emmett would actually pick something he knew about.

Finally, Emmett just did a random pick, and ended with the song Happiness by Super Junior.

_SUNGMIN Hanbuhndo nan nuhreul ijuhbonjuhk uhbsuh ojik geudaemaneul saenggakhaenneunguhl  
HAN GENG Geuruhn nuhneun mwuhya nal ijuhdduhn guhya  
LEETEUK Jigeum nae noonesuhn noonmool heulluh baeshingam_

_SHINDONG Nuhl chajagalgga saenggakhaessuh EUNHYUK Nan nan jal moreugessuh  
SHINDONG Ee sesangi dolgoinneun jigeum EUNHYUK Nan nuh bakke uhbji  
SHINDONG Halmaree uhbsuh gal soodo uhbsuh EUNHYUK Noonmooldo uhbsuh neukkimdo uhbsuh  
SHINDONG Ne ape suh inneun nal barabwa EUNHYUK Nuhl wihae sarainneun nal_

_DONGHAE Yaksokdwen shigani wassuhyo geudae ape issuhyo dooryuhwoome woolgo ijjiman  
SIWON Noonmooreul dakkajoouhssuhyo geuddae nae sonjabajjyo iruhnalguhya  
LEETEUK Hamkke haejoon geudae ege haengbogeul_

_SUNGMIN Noongamgo geudael geuryuhyo mamsok geudael chajajjyo nareul balkhyuhjooneun bichi boyuh yuhngwuhnhan  
KANGIN Haengbogeul nohchil soon uhbjyo geudae na boinayo nareul boolluhjwuhyo geudaegyuhte  
RYEOWOOK Isseulgguhya nuhreul saranghae hamkkehaeyo geudaewa yuhngwuhnhee_

_HEECHUL Hanbuhndo nan nuhreul ijuh bonjuhk uhbsuh  
Ojik geudaemaneul saenggakhaenneunguhl  
KIBUM Geuruhn nuhneun mwuhya nal ijuhdduhn guhya  
YESUNG Nae noonesuhn noonmool heulluh baeshingam_

_SUNGMIN Yaksokdwen shigani wassuhyo geudae ape issuhyo dooryuhwoome woolgo ijjiman  
KANGIN Noonmooreul dakkajoouhssuhyo geuddae nae sonjabajjyo iruhnalguhya  
EUNHYUK Hamkke haejoon geudae ege haengbogeul_

_DONGHAE Noongamgo geudael geuryuhyo mamsok geudael chajajjyo nareul balkhyuhjooneun bichee boyuh yuhngwuhnhan  
LEETEUK Haengbogeul nohchil soon uhbjyo geudae na boinayo nareul boolluhjwuhyo geudaegyuhte  
YESUNG Isseulgguhya nuhreul saranghae hamkkehaeyo geudaewa yuhngwuhnhee_

_HEECHUL Juh parangsaedeuri juhnhaejooneun haengbogiraneun guh  
RYEOWOOK Neul woori gyuhte gakkai inneunguhjyo_

_ALL Noongamgo geudael geuryuhyo mamsok geudael chajajjyo nareul balkhyuhjooneun bichi boyuh  
Yuhngwuhnhan haengbogeul nohchil soon uhbjyo geudae na boinayo nareul boolluhjwuhyo  
Uhnjerado geudae maeumeul yuhruh boayo apen naega issuhyo  
Nareul boolluhjwuhyo geudae gyuhte  
RYEOWOOK Isseulgguhya nuhreul saranghae  
ALL Hamkkehaeyo geudaewa yuhngwuhnhee_

By the time he was finished with the song, me and Jasper were literally rolling on the carpet. Half the time, Emmett was murmuring inaudible noises, (Jasper said he was trying to talk like a deer), and when he can actually pronounce the word, he sounded like he was choking on tuna (which Emmett has done before, when he tried drinking fish blood). Emmett threw the microphone to Jasper who can barely stop laughing.

"Let's see if you can do any better than me, Jazz," he taunted, crossing his arms as Jasper tried to pick a song.

Jasper closed his eyes and made a random choice. It was Balloons by DBSK.

_All Jinagabeorin eorin shijeoren pungseoneul tago naraganeun yeppeun kkumdo kku-eotjji  
noran pungseoni haneureul nalmyeon nae ma-eumedo areumda-un gi-eoktteuri saenggangna_

_Max Nae eoril jeok kkumeun noran pungseoneul tago haneul nopi nareuneun saram  
Micky Geu jogeuman kkumeul ijeobeorigo san geon naega neomu keobeoryeosseul ttae_

_Xiah Hajiman gwero-ul ttaen a-icheoreom ttwi-eo nolgo shipeo  
Hero Jogeuman na-ui kkumdeureul pungseone gadeuk shitkko_

_All Jinagabeorin eorin shijeoren pungseoneul tago naraganeun yeppeun kkumdo kku-eotjji  
noran pungseoni haneureul nalmyeon nae ma-eumedo areumda-un gi-eoktteuri saenggangna_

_Hero Wae haneureul bomyeon naneun nunmuri nalkka geugeotjjocha al su eopjjanha  
U-Know Wae eoreuni dwemyeon ijeobeorige dwelkka jogeumateon a-i shijeoreul_

_Micky, Max Ttaeroneun nado geunyang haneul nopi naragago shipeo  
U-Know, Xiah Ijeottteon na-ui kkumdeulgwa chu-eogeul gadeuk shitkko_

_Xiah Jinagabeorin eorin shijeoren pungseoneul tago naraganeun yeppeun kkumdo kku-eotjji  
All noran pungseoni haneureul nalmyeon nae ma-eumedo areumda-un gi-eoktteuri saenggangna_

_All Rallararara rallararara rallararara rarallara rallallalla rarara  
Max Seweori heulleodo U-Know, Micky Ijeobeoryeodo  
Hero Noran pungseone dameul su isseulkka_

_All Jinagabeorin eorin shijeoren pungseoneul tago naraganeun yeppeun kkumdo kku-eotjji  
noran pungseoni haneureul nalmyeon nae ma-eumedo areumda-un gi-eoktteuri saenggangna_

Jasper was unbelievable. Half the time, he can actually sing the song. And the other times, he was also making inaudible noises (which, in Emmett's defense says is bear language). I laughed myself off the couch and started rolling to the living room. Following my lead was Emmett, who managed to knock off Esme's precious vase from Africa with his long legs. Jasper looked at us, horrified but joined us anyway. We were all rolling around the front part of the house, laughing hysterically when Bella, Alice, Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie opened the door and stared at us.

Alice was laughing hysterically, Bella looked horrified, Carlisle and Esme looked disapproving and Rosalie was disgusted. I continued to roll until I got to Bella's feet and managed to stop my unmanly giggles. Emmett was still rolling, but farther away for Jasper stopped laughing as he absorbed Rosalie's utter fury and disgust.

"Korean karaoke," I whispered seductively into Bella's ears. Her heartbeat accelerated, and when she started to laugh, an accidental burp came out instead. Emmett, from the kitchen was banging his stone-hard head on the kitchen appliances, unable to stop his laughter. Esme was now looking worried.

"Don't worry," Alice bit out, "I know an asylum." Everyone laughed then. I eyed Jasper. He nodded back.

The competition was still on.


	3. Author's Note!

Sorry, this is not a new chapter

Sorry, this is not a new chapter. As much as I hate it, I'm putting mostly all of my stories on hiatus – on exception with Baby Bella and my Skip Beat one, probably. My creative juices have run dry – and until I'm inspired to write again, then I probably won't update as much. I'm really sorry, to those who anticipate new stuff. Plus, I've got a summer job now – which adds on to the pile! I'm sorry but thank you to all who put my stories on alert and favorites. You guys are my heroes. –hugs-


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